You think dogs will be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. -Robert Louis Stevenson

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. -Anonymous

Geist. He is my bestest friend in the entire world. My bed warmer, my cuddle buddy, my movie partner. He is there for me when I cry, resting his loving head on my shoulder as I sob over life's hardships. He is there for me when I laugh, bouncing around and smiling, as a dog could. He is there for me when I am troubled, looking at me with far more wisdom than I could know. He goes everywhere with me: to bed, to work, on walks. He is my life. The only constant thing God had given me. Geist's full name is Mi Litten Grauer Geist. It is German for "My Little Grey Ghost".

My day started off as any other day would have on Friday, November 24, 2006. I got up and Geist and I went for our usual morning walk. Then back at home, we ate our breakfast, and headed to work. I met my brothers and Dad at work at 9:00am. We worked cattle, fixed a tractor, and then just sort of piddled around. My brother, Carl, asked me to clean his house. I was bored. So I headed over with my dog to start in on the cleaning. I guess I got carried away. It took me four hours to clean Carl's house. His house isn't even dirty! I help him out when I can by doing dishes and laundry. Carl is single and works very hard on the farm. So he doesn't have a lot of time to do house work. So big sister is always there to save the day. I always bring Geist with me when I clean at Carl's. He loves to run around the farm and play and chase rabbits.

Around 1:00pm, Geist scratched on Carl's door. I let him in. He looked just fine, but he immediately got sick. He threw up a lot! The vomit had a very strong, sickening smell. I didn't think much of it. He is always getting into the trash can and eating some old food that makes him sick. So I cleaned it up, and went on with my cleaning. Geist looked and acted just fine.

At 3:00pm, I went home to relax. I got on the computer and Geist went to the living room. He came ambling up to me, looking a bit under the weather. When I got up to love on him, I smelled the same sickening smell I had smelled early at Carl's. Geist had thrown up again. The amount in which he had thrown up was amazing. I didn't understand how he could get sick again. I put him out and cleaned up the mess. When I let him in the house again, he fell down at my feet. I bent over and said "Geist, come to mama". He got up and staggered around as if he was looking for me. His pupils were huge. He looked drunk. I half way carried him to the living room and laid him on a blanket. I was panicking now. I called my Dad, my brother, and the vet. Dad and Carl said there was no poison for him to get into at our farm and to watch him closely and keep him warm. When I called the vet, no one was around the office! The secretary said she would make some calls and get back to me as soon as possible. I

sat with Geist. I talked to him and patted him. He looked very nervous and couldn't hold himself up. Every single noise that he heard, noises that were common around my house, scared the hell out of him. He was shaking and he was cold to the touch. Normally, I look to him for warmth. His lively body always radiates happiness and warmth. But he was cold. I covered him up and immediately called the vet again. I finally reached Randy on his cell phone. Randy is our local veterinarian. He said he was on a call, and he would be there as soon as he could. I laid down with Geist to wait. During that time, Geist kept trying to get up. I talked to him. I told him I loved him. His breathing was shallow and he kept shaking and jerking. When I talked to him, he looked around for me. I was right there petting him and loving him. I pulled him to my lap, and he growled at me. I cried harder and begged him to hang on!! He couldn't see anything. I just kept crying and holding him.

I called my best friend, Kristin to come over. When she arrived, Geist tried to get up and protect me, but he had no strength and he fell into my lap. Finally, Randy called. It was 5:00pm. I took my baby to the clinic. My best friend, Kristin and I had to carry my 90 lbs baby inside. He couldn't see anything, and he couldn't walk. Randy looked him over, and said he must have gotten into some poison of some sort. But I couldn't figure out what he could have gotten into. We have dogs and cats on our farm at all times, so my family never keeps any substance around that could harm our animals. After giving Geist a shot of something to detox his poor body, he hooked him up to an IV. Then he gave him something to make him sleep. All the while, I held his big loving head in my arms. Telling him it was ok. Telling him I loved him. Begging him to live. I asked Randy over and over "Is he going to die?" Randy said he wasn't sure what would happen.

He needed to stay the night. So Geist was put in a comfortable big cage with a warm blanket. He had to stay the night there. But I went up to check on him at 9:00pm. When I got there, he was still sedated. He didn't look good. I reached carefully through the IV cords and hugged him and laid with him. I cried to him. I told him I loved him. I begged him come home. I told him he had rabbits to chase, chewies to eat, and walks to go on. He lifted his head and looked at me briefly before going into convulsions. I am not ready to say goodbye to my best friend.

At midnight, the vet called. He said that Geist was not doing well. He said he had a 50/50 chance. I prayed. Countless times I prayed through the night. All night I tossed and turned. I fell asleep around 2am. But at 4:15am, I was awakened by a sick feeling and bad taste in my mouth. I started crying so hard. I couldn't breath. I couldn't get back to sleep. I tossed and turned. I sat up thinking Geist was standing over me, watching me with his beautiful amber colored eyes. He looked healthy and happy.

At 6:15am, the vet called. He said "Geist did not have a good night. He died sometime in his sleep". He asked me if I wanted to bury him. I said "yes". My heart is breaking for my best friend. He died alone. Without me. I keep thinking and wondering if he really truly knew how much I loved him. He was my life. I went up last night and hugged and kissed him, but did he know that? Did he know that I was scared sick for him? My words cannot describe my sadness and what I am feeling. How do put it to words? Lost. Lonely. Scared. Sad. The list is endless for Geist. He will always have the most special place in my heart. I prayed a hundred times or more last night for his recovery. It didn't work. I lost him. Even today, as I write this entry, time has passed, but I am crying again. Reliving every moment of my best friend's last breath on earth. It's so hard for me.

Some people may say "he's just a dog". But to me? No. He was my everything. It was Sunday when I had gotten the news. I couldn't bear the lonliness. There was no pitter-patter of Weimaraner feet. After doing some research, I found out where some of Geist's relatives went. I called a family and told them my story. They told me they had one pup left that they wanted to keep. After hearing my story, the lady, through tears of sadness and understanding, told me to come on over and get him. I left at 2:00pm, and Brady and I drove 2 hours. I arrived at the family's house. The woman met me with tears and a huge hug, and in her arms was the 6 week old male Weimaraner puppy. I hugged her, carefully took the puppy from her arms, and buried my face in his fur crying. I breathed in his wonderful puppy smell. I felt his life filled body squirming in my arms. He licked my tears. The lady, Shirley, simply said "So I guess this means you love him already?" I sadly, and happily (at the same time) said "Yes".

I now have Retter. It is German for the word Savior. I feel like he is saving my sanity from the loss of Geist. He is wonderful. His full name is "Mi Litten Grauer Retter". My Little Grey Savior. Our first night was last night. After some adjusting, Retter waddled over to the exact spot where I had Geist wrapped up in a blanket on the floor before I carried his 90lbs body to the pickup and on to the vet. He sat there and sniffed around and wimpered and cried. I gathered his warm little body in my arms, and through many tears and sniffing, told him the story. He probably thought I was losing it, but I think he listened.

Some of you may think it was way to soon to get another pup, but not me. I now have Geist's nephew. I know that he will not take Geist's place, and that he will not BE Geist. But having his warm little cute furry body here is helping me cope with the loss of my beloved best friend.

Retter's first night went well. He slept on top of me all night, though I had to get up numerous times to take him outside. Well... I'm back to square one! Potty Training Time! Wish me luck. I now have a beautiful new beginning to help me with a sad terrible ending. Geist, I love you! My brother Carl, buried Geist on our farm. Though he is gone, he will remain in my heart and mind as he was: Alive. Happy. Full of joy and energy. Retter is growing like a weed. And I love him so much. Geist, I love you. You will always be a part of me. I'll see you in heaven my beautiful Gray Ghost.